[Ask the Pipe Doc is a regular column comprised of questions and answers provided as a way of educating pipe smokers. Answers are provided by our resident 'Pipe Doc,' Marty Pulvers.]

Next, in cigar-land, consumers are continually bombarded with hard-to-pass-up come-ons for samplers:

1. 
   

2. "12 Nights of Pleasure at Two Dollars a Stick"
   

3. "Ten Best for Ten Bucks!"
   

4. "Heavyweight Sampler at Lightweight Prices"
   

5. and so forth.
   

6. 
   

As a novelty-seeker and a newbie to pipes, I am surprised that I haven't found similarly small-sized samplers in pipe-land. Sure, brick & mortar purveyors might be cajoled into a free bowl to an upstart pipe-ster, but they seem uninterested in initiating apprentices into the broader mysteries of the craft.

The minimum offering seems to be 1 or 2 oz. (at $3 to $5 per oz.), which makes a sampler not only pricey (especially if there is S/H involved), but difficult to dispose of if displeasing. Why no pre-packaged, cigar-like gimmickry? Why no:

1. "Five Bowls times Five Blends for Five Bucks!"
   

2. "Aromatic Array--20 Mighty Bowls for a Measly 10 Bucks."
   

3. "For the Intrepid Adventurer--a Terrific Two-Fer: two bowls each of English, American, Oriental, and Cavendish: Your choice, five and change."
   

4. 
   

5. PHOTO: "Five bowls for five bucks?!"
   

Pipe smokers--and, hence, fine tobacconists--seem, sadly (but literally) a dying breed. I recognize that pipers are contemplative, even quiet (though not shy), but why are so few adopting the marketing thunder of their brasher brethren of the stinking weed in order to replenish the congregation, if not the choir?

(Heck: if it's the labor-intensive nature of pre-packing tiny baggies, one could, in the current economy, outsource to a marketing firm that would employ some minimum-wage hack to do it for you!)

To pack small samples would, as you suggest, take time and effort, and the pipe business is so tiny that most tobacconists have abandoned pipes except as a small corner of their business, to which they want to devote almost no time or energy. Indeed, pipes—to all but the rare few tobacconists—are an arcane subject which they do not understand and frankly, scares them. Watch even the most experienced cigar-tobacco shop proprietor squirm when the subject of pipes and pipe tobaccos come up. They will bail out almost immediately, pointing to their tobacco or pipes (or both) and say, "That is what we have" and walk away, leaving it entirely to the customer. 

They can not really be blamed. From their perspective, pipes make no economic sense and cigars have a high turnover (if the shop chooses the right stuff). A good pipe can sit for decades, turning the store into a pipe museum. On the other hand, when the cigar boom busted, in the late 1990's, and lots and lots of cigar-only shops folded, I can not tell you how many days were "made" at Sherlock's Haven (my former establishment) by the sales of high grade pipes, some of which cost in the thousands. No other store had those pipes for the admittedly very few that wanted them.

PHOTO: Sample packs?

So, to answer your question, sample packs are not going to happen... rationality has nothing to do with it. What one could do, and this was a service we happily provided our customers (we almost insisted on small, sample packets for new pipe smokers... knowing that it would be nearly impossible to find the right blend for them on the first, second, third or 10th try), is ask a reasonable clerk to make up 3 or 4 one ounce samples for you to try. Less than an ounce seems like nothing but a pain in the butt, plus it will demand that today's youth  divide a number in half, or, god forbid, a third... far beyond their pathetic math skills.  An ounce is enough tobacco for them to make some money, and it will provide you with more than enough of a single blend for you to get a strong sense of whether you like it or not.

As for that full ounce seeming like a lot of money to you of the big spending Corn-Cob type, remember, that the most expensive pipe tobacco is much, much less than the least expensive cigar in terms of smoking time. A $3 cigar gives you, what, an hour?  An ounce of very expensive $5 an ounce pipe tobacco gives you about 6 times that amount of time. As a cigar smoker, do not talk to a pipe smoker about money. You will lose any discussion on that subject. Pipe smokers are the very cheapest bastards on the planet. That is why they smoke pipes.

Have you visited...

When you do ask for your one ounce samples, the vast majority of clerks will tell you, "We only sell 2 oz. or more" or perhaps, "We don"t do that." Those answers show the average intelligence of tobacco shop owners (not the world's intellectual elite... believe me. I was on the Board of Directors of the nation's retail tobacco organization, and as a group they barely edged out U.S.P.S. management on the insight scale). If they say, "We can't do that," feel free to tell them "Yes, you can. You are just too lazy to do it."  It will not matter at that point, because you don't want to patronize a store like that anyway.

Good Luck, and Good Smoking,

Marty, The Pipe Doc

Other credentials include his being named a Doctor of Pipes by the Chicagoland Pipe Club and a Certified Kapnismologist (don't ask) by Pipe Collector's International... now defunct (don't ask). He is also a Certified Beer Judge, which he concedes has nothing to do with the subject at hand, but might help explain, in advance, the quality and tenor of some of his answers to your pipe questions.

Marty began his pipe voyage in abject ignorance of pipes and tobacco, and over the 45-plus years of pipe smoking, he claims to have experienced and learned a lot. Alas, he's willing to admit that it is possible he has been at it so long that this journey may have resulted in a complete circle.